UNDERSTANDING FRIENDS

FRIENDS.

That’s a complicated word.

Facebook friends, old school friends, work colleagues, nodding acquaintances, neighbours, family, fast friends, and best friends – it’s probably different for everyone.

You might rate and categorise your friends, and someone else may do that differently – for example, you might consider someone to be one of your best friends, but they don’t see you in the same way.

Why is this so complex?

I think the key thing is to know about DUNBAR’S NUMBER. His research article is here if you want to read up on it. If you don’t, just know that that in 2016 Robin Dunbar concluded that people only have the capacity to hold 150 relationships at one time. Remember that. And of that, how many can be called friends?

That is important. At least it always has been for me. First of all, I grew up with a very large and expanding family – and their spouses, children, their friends and neighbours and siblings – it all adds up! Next is that while I have always done a lot of different things for a living, the common denominator has always been working in small teams on projects before them moving onto completely different teams for completely different projects.

I have always had a lot of interests, I played in bands, was involved in many clubs and societies too.

Let’s face it, my 150 limit got used up fast – and I simply have never been able to cannot cope with the numbers.

I’ve been Best Man at five weddings to people who considered me their best friend – yet I was NOT on the same page with THAT at all. Life can be so strange.

As a schoolkid, I had lots of little groups of friends, where one group didn’t even know of the existence of the others. The only common denominator was me. I had my musical pals – we’d play guitars in garages and write songs – but these guys wouldn’t get on with my school pals or with the guys at the Air Training Corps doing drills and marching about with guns or parachuting out of planes. Then there was the hippies on dope, the bikers and punks, the chess club and the neighbourhood kids I could play football with too – none met or knew each other because there was very little overlap. I never considered anyone to be my best friend, but there was probably one in each group that I was closest to, so perhaps they thought of me as more of a friend, possibly even a best friend? That’s a snapshot of my early life. And perhaps yours too.

Mark Grenovetter’s paper The Strength of Weak Ties – which is one of the most influential articles in social science, proposes that weak ties—(acquaintanceships that are not reinforced by many mutual friendships)—are extremely important in information flow – an idea that is now core to the field of social networks. In marketing, information science, or politics, weak ties are the principal way of reaching audiences that are inaccessible via strong ties.

By not sticking to, or not having strong ties to, one family or group of people, I was always the one who made connections between groups – I have hooked up lots of romantic couplings, found plumbers and car mechanics for people, and influenced by communicating ideas from one group to another. This is no boast; this is scientifically how networks work. This is how fashions change, how “word of mouth” works – as a weak tie guy, I was a butterfly (as my father called it) flying hither and thither.

I have always had particular tastes, myriad and diverse, true, but still narrowly specific – I dislike spectating sport, for instance, but adore certain operas, ballets, plays, films and novels – naturally this leads to little caches of friends – friends for that one THING – if at all.

Having too many friends and family early in life has probably resulted in my upsetting people; after all, people want attention, to feel loved and respected, and I’ve more than likely not been able to meet their expectations. However no-one can, or should, apologise for being themselves – and I’m certainly not apologising for not living up to anyone’s personal expectations of friendship with me!

And that’s what this article is about. I have shared some thoughts in my posts here over the years, pure weak tie stuff, eh? Someone might click a tag and read a post – and discover a new thing. I’ve done my life’s work then; I have influenced someone and changed their life for the better. (I simply can’t see how any post here would change a life for the worse).

This article, in itself, might be helpful to a reader in coming to terms with the complicated word “Friend”. If you’ve read down this far, you may realise that your friends might be weak tie guys too. They need to be cut some slack; you are not their whole world.

Look now through your friends list, and see if you can spot the weak tie guys, or the ones with big families or many interests, and I bet you might get a different perspective.

Friends, I think, therefore need to take what they can, and give what they can, and not overthink it. The depth, and width of friendships changes constantly, and should do too, and it should be allowed to flow naturally – without restrictions, demands, limits or ultimatums. Enjoy your friends, allow them to enjoy the best side of you too, or the friendship will fade away.

It’s plain nonsense to believe that you “have to work” at relationships, or that you have to “fight for relationships” in the sense these phrases are normally used. Fun takes some effort – you have to dress up and go out. That may be considered work, if you want. You have to listen to a friend, sympathise and encourage – yes, all that could be called work. Giving advice or looking out for someone could be considered fighting for a relationship – so you see, it’s mostly about perspective. If you are actually having to “work” to keep a friend, if you find it a chore, distressing, upsetting or that sort of thing, then I would advise against working at that relationship because it isn’t a friendship at all.

Idea The Idea of a Single Friend Group is False

There’s no judgement, aspiration, expectation or censorship in a friend, that’s the good part of it. No-one wants to be told what to do. A light touch is all that’s needed, make a bit of an effort to enjoy yourself, make some time for friends, don’t overthink it, and it will go wherever it may and be great fun and enriching too.

My tip is to try to surround yourself with people you admire. Admiration is under-rated. I actually think it is the basis for love. The best, and longest-lasting relationships are definitely rooted in mutual admiration and respect. Admiration is inspirational. When you admire, nothing about the friendship is work, and the only thing you have to fight for is keeping up.

No-one is perfect, so you always have to overlook or forgive human traits – and that is much easier in those you admire. It’s better to have no friends than toxic ones, or those you have to fight to keep.

So don’t worry about losing friends, you can only cope with 150 – and that is not a lot is it? Pick ’em wisely.

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JIMMY CARR-CRASH TV

A BRITISH COMEDIAN hosted a TV show on the UK’s Channel Four during the channel’s 40th anniversary – about art. Many thought it was satirical (Carr is a TV comedian) and that all the pieces would be finally shown to be copies or fakes, but no.

The channel bought actual art – at the actual art rate – and got an advocate for and against to debate the work – after which the audience of trendy internet-fed Londoners got to vote to keep or destroy the work for real.

The format has many problems, not least of all is asking the great unwashed, illeducated and trend-washed public about anything of importance.

Art was destroyed.

Janet Street Porter did us proud advocating for sanity, and some audience members found regret afterward – how telling is that?

‘Jimmy Carr Destroys Art’ enrages Channel 4 viewers: “What kind of moronic mind commissioned this?”

also

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2022/oct/18/tasteless-hitler-painting-show-will-be-channel-4s-downfall

There is always the dictum, isn’t there – if we’re unsure, do nothing. Or else – when in doubt, do nowt.

Leaving the sleeping dogs, allowing the art to remain or survive is – or should be the default. Destruction cannot be reversed.

Jimmy Carr’s show could so easily have been about Capital Punishment – bringing back hanging!

We live in crazy (and unprecedented) times indeed.

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ART AND ICON

ANDY WARHOL did Marylin. Just search on the internet…

It is iconic.

Is it any wonder; she is an icon, so is the artist.

There are iconic works of art – the canon that includes the Mona Lisa, the Birth of Venus and more besides.

But today there are artists who are famous without having a signature piece. For example, the likes of Damian Hirst and Jackson Pollok have nothing. They have a ‘rough idea’ in that we know what their work would be like, but nothing specifically.

It reminds me of music and charts – some bands have hits, some bands just do themselves.

Which is best?

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ON UKRAINE

MEDIA MUDDIES everything. It is unhelpful to refuse to try to see all sides when a conflict occurs. The Russo-Ukrainian War is a great example of fake news, propoganda and misinformation. Suddenly the eyes and ears of the world are on this conflict, and already people are taking sides, drawing red lines, and making ultimatums. My article called UNDERSTANDING NEGOTIATIONS explains why this is bad.

So what is this all about?

Ukraine is recognised as the largest country in Europe by land mass, which includes the Crimea and the Donbas regions, however Russia have disputed Crimea and Donbas being part of Ukraine.

Ukraine cannot apply to join NATO while there is an ongoing territorial dispute, so when Russia invaded in February 2014, it did not trigger World War III, Russia have occupied the Crimea ever since – and nothing has happened internationally. However Crimea and Donbas remain unresolved issues.

Last week, Russia invaded the rest of Ukraine as a continuation and escalation of this – the Russo-Ukrainian war. Far from being a surprise, it is the next logical, inevitable step, and still about the Crimea and the Donbas regions, rather than about conquering Ukraine, but to most people, according to the media, it was a surprise, and to all the timing seems very strange indeed.

The COVID-19 pandemic is ongoing and travel is still restricted, affecting refugees and asylum-seekers (which had previously dominated the news).

There is a big question about controlling the spread of a virus as refugees flee the war zone into neighbouring countries (and further afield). Will Russia still make available their vaccine, Sputnik V?

The world economies are weak because of the pandemic. Economic recovery will certainly be affected by this invasion. The biggest economy is European, followed by the USA and then China. The Russian economy is ranked 11th – between South Korea and Brazil. Ukraine is ranked 55th in the world. So if it’s not the size of the economies or the wealth of the people in those countries, perhaps it is about exports.

There is a good reason for the Ukrainian flag’s colours

Ukraine’s cereals are only 19.1% of their exports but this is 18% of the world’s sunflower seed, safflower or cottonseed oil; 13% of corn production; 12% of global barley exports; and 8% of wheat and meslin. Over 70% of the country is farmland. It’s biggest customer is China. Most of south-east Asia depends on Ukrainian cereals. Russia’s cereals output is almost the same, but the Russian market is African. However, European countries, except the UK, are heavily dependent on Russian coal, gas and oil. In this war, and witih sanctions, Ukrainian wheat and Russian coal, gas and oil will suffer – and that means everyone will suffer if the conflict is not resolved quickly.

The disputed regions are not big, rich, important strategically, or of particular advantage to Russia. Most of the people who live there speak Russian and are more sympathetic to Russia than to Ukraine. Donbas is mainly about mining, mostly coal, but also iron, steel and nuclear materials – but not significantly so. The Donbas was once described as ‘the heart of the USSR’ and after WWII, the area was repopulated by Russians. I have been unable to find a population figure online for this region, but I can see there were 2.55 million Russians there in 1955. We shall just have to guess what it is now. With economic decline and labour strikes, the area was in enough turmoil that they held a consultative referendum where over 90% voted for Russian to be an official language in Ukraine, and closer for ties with CIS and Russia. Despite the overwhelming majority, Ukraine refused to concede to any of the Donblas’s desires.

The Crimea is mostly prairie wasteland, but does produce some cereals, wine-making and has a few offshore oil platforms. Sixty percent of Crimea’s economy is food production, and the rest is mostly Russian tourism; it has a “Riviera” of great beaches and a lovely climate.

The population of Crimea is just 2.4 million, and in a contested referendum held one month after the Russia invasion in 2014, the ‘Republic of Crimea’ declared its independence from Ukraine. Immediately Russia annexed Crimea in support of this. Ukraine and the rest of the world disputed both, but that seems to be the extent of it. The Russians got away with occupying Crimea. It doesn’t seem to be about exports, or about any stretegic concerns, it seems to be about sovereignty. Some suggest that Russia might be attempting to absorb Crimea and Donbas, but others suggest that it is more about ‘liberating’ them for ‘independence’. So this is declared a sovereignty matter.

Sovereignty is a big issue elsewhere too. Europe seemed to be leaning toward division; the refugee crisis raised border issues and nationalism, and sovereignty is seen as playing a large part in Brexit. Europe was weaker as a result of Brexit, and that – as well as rising Scottish nationalism, and questions of the future of the monarchy – put Britain in a very weak state too.

The Russian view seems to be that these regions are being held against their own will, or that they are being occupied by Ukraine and need liberated by Russia. Russia seems to believe that their actions are similar to the USA – who have been able to invade and occupy Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan in the cause of freedom, democracy and liberation.

Almost exactly a year ago, the USA pulled out of Afghanistan, leaving the country to the Taliban. The USA is far from the force it once was, it has not coped with the pandemic very well, and its moral authority has taken a dive with the Black Lives Matter movement and years of Trump. Biden continues the US contraction and their global authority in general is in palpable decline.

Perhaps Putin has timed this Russian invasion well; everyone is at a weak point. Everyone is vulnerable, and sovereignty is high on the agenda everywhere. He got away with annexing Crimea without consequences, after all. One can only suppose that had Putin invaded the Donbas, the situation would be similar to that of the Crimea. So something had to be done that was different and would force a more permanant solution, hence the invasion from the north, via Russian-friendly Belarus, to the Ukrainian capital, Kyiv.

It seems that Putin wants to make it all official – that Ukraine formally gives up Crimea and Donbas to be independent, and of the world accepting that too. That seems to be the goal.

The Ukrainians have two options – fight the Russians or accept the loss of Donbas and Crimea. To fight is about red lines, borders, sovereignty. To accept the independence of two regions may be in everyone’s best interests. Russia would be happy – they’d claim a great victory, and Putin would be even more of an heroic figure than he has always been in Russia. The Donbas and Crimea people would be happy too, looking at their referenda and poll results. The Ukrainians would seemingly have lost ground, but their country would be intact, their people safe and sound, and peace would resume. Other countries would be happy – no refugees to deal with, no sanctions, no ill effects.

But that is easier to write or say than to do; the first duty of any country is defence of the realm – at all costs. After all, a country is defined by it’s boundary, it’s red line borders. The Donbas and the Crimea could have done the same as Scotland in the UK or Catalonia in Spain – and demanded independence using political means from within Ukraine. Russia’s intervention is external – imagine Russia invading and occupying Scotland so that Scotland could be independent!

If Ukraine chooses to defend itself – to fight back – then it will either win or lose. Winning conclusively against the massive Russian military seems unlikely.

So, despite it not being in anyone’s best interests, there can be no negotiation. Ukraine will fight back and this will increase the death toll. It will be attrition. Ancient monuments will be destroyed, beautiful cities razed to the ground. It will affect nurseries, schools, universities, zoos, museums, and more besides. Lives ruined, families and hearts broken forever.

If, after a long time, Ukraine gives up, it will be so badly damaged that it would be difficult to justify the fight. In other words, if capitulation is inevitable, then it would be better if they capitulated right now; the damage would be very limited. Families could return, refugees could come home. Buildings would be saved – schools, hospitals, factories and more. The infrastructure would be intact, life could get back to normal pretty quickly for ordinary people in Ukraine and in Crimea and Donbas. The fight could then be diplomatic – and who knows, Donbas and Crimea could become independent.

Fighting may prolong the war, increasing deaths and the destruction of cities. The longer this goes on, the higher the cost, not just for Ukraine, but for everyone, however, it may be a way of ‘winning’ should the Russians end up like the Americans in Vietnam.

Remember too, that at any point, Russia can claim aggression should NATO gather at borders, go too far with economic sanctions, or even if NATO countries send arms and other support to help Ukraine fight back against the Russia military.

If the war is drawing out, the west will feel the ill effects increasing every day – particularly in terms of Russian coal, oil and gas. This is when a NATO intervention may be required – but it would need to be justified, so expect mention of ‘war crimes’ and ‘chemical weapons’. If NATO and the west state that Putin is guilty of ‘war crimes’, then it makes it less likely to have a reasoned settlement to this war. Whatever the outcome, Putin will not take kindly to such accusations, truthful or not. As the case against Putin and Russia builds, there has to be a spark or trigger point of some kind that allows WWIII to start. Both sides do not want to take the blame for starting that, but the longer this war continues, the risk of world war is increased.

In the event of WWIII, some will ask why NATO didn’t start it right at the point of invasion. I suppose it depends on whether or not Russia would use it’s Nuclear weapons. It would call their bluff. Would Russia resort to nuking the west over a couple of small and insignificant regions of Ukraine? Is the independence of Donbas and Crimea worth THAT? Although governments knew there was going to be the invasion before the rest of us, it seems not to have been enough time to pull everything together for a quick retaliation. Some suggest that, with each day, NATO is moving into the neighbouring areas and getting ready.

Others would say that all this Donbas and Crimea stuff is merely an excuse to crack on with WWIII by the Russians – who want the map rebalanced to increase the Soviet influence. With China – a companion Communist state, the world, post WWIII, would really be about the defeat of the USA. But most experts I’ve seen and heard this week suggest that Russia believed NATO to be disunited and chaotic, and are surprised by the unified condemnation from NATO and other countries. It therefore seems unlikely that Russia is using this to trigger a world war.

Ukraine is compelled to put up a fight, and because of red lines and egos, it looks like it will drag on. Dragging on could mean an eventual win for either side, but the longer it drags on, the more likely it will be that NATO will get involved, and WWIII starts, but it won’t be full nuclear right away.

Therefore the most likely scenario seems to be that Ukraine will see the imminent WWIII and negotiate the annexation of Donbas and a cease-fire from best interests. Of course, it will have to be dressed up for the world to accept.

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UNDERSTANDING NEGOTIATIONS

I STILL GET CONTACTED about certain types of post on this site, so I thought I would do another one as it has been a while!

Those posts are – DECISIONS, THE PRISONERS’ DILEMMA, BATTLE OF TRAFALGAR, BAYES AND BENFORD, MILGRAM, and TURNING MILGRAM UPSIDE DOWN.

There are only two negotiating positions – (a) negotiation from a position or (b) negotiation from best interests.

It is that simple, and knowing this is so important to understanding relationships, current affairs and even history.

(a) POSITION:

This is where there is an ultimatum, a red line, a rule or a law. There is no grey, it’s black or it’s white.

(b) BEST INTERESTS:

This is where you argue for what is best for you, and perhaps also accommodate what is best for the other side, it is possible to find a negotiated solution that is in the best interests of both sides.

NEGOTIATION SCENARIOS:

The best case is obvious – both sides argue from best interests and a compromise is struck. Everyone is a winner. The polar opposite is where both sides have decided to make a stand, to die on that hill, to never give in – no surrender! That is a stalemate.

Then there is the more common situation of a clash between position and best interests. One side is open to a settlement, but the other is digging a trench and refusing to lose any ground. This is still a stalemate, but there is hope that with time the position may be turned through persuasion (or exhaustion) to best interests.

EXAMPLES:

Couples tend not to suddenly agree to split up, usually one person starts seeking a new relationship, and when they find that relationship, they tell and leave the other person. This means that there is usually an injured, hurt person and a person happy in a new relationship. Guess which one will take the best interest approach, and which will take a position.

Divorces are messy because of this. It is difficult to convince the innocent or injured party to go for their own best interests, let alone negotiate for everyone’s best interests! It is worse when custody of pets or children is involved. It is always in the best interests of children and pets to align negotiating a divorce away from bitter standpoints, ultimatums, rules and so forth.

I get, though, that this is difficult simply because feelings and pride are damaged. If you love someone and commit to a relationship, surely the more you love, then the more you will hurt and hate – how can there ever be an “amicable” divorce?

But in taking a stand, yes you will hurt them back, you may spoil what they are trying to do, but it’s also bad for you – and on any kids and pets too.

It is entirely possible to divorce from best interests and still hate their guts for what they’ve done to you. You have to divorce the heart from the mind, emotions and feelings from grown-up real life business. It’s tough, but important.

Look at the Cold War – the USSR v USA – an arms race, deterrents, a constant threat as two countries took each other on. How did it end? Yep – one side (USSR) changed from a position to best interests.

Look at “the Troubles” in Ireland/Northern Ireland (UK) between Loyalists and Republicans, Catholics and Protestants. Death, destruction, ugliness, sadness, terrorism, soliders on the streets, peace walls and blockages, years of sides taking a stalemate position. How did it end? Yep – negotiation from best interests was introduced.

Look around the world’s conflicts, look at rules and laws in this way; it’s helpful and enlightening.

Instead of sticking to the letter of the law, of Scripture or of decrees by the Pope or church leaders, Jesuits decided that a better approach was to take every dispute or problem on a case-by-case basis. They developed a method to examine all sides, check with the outcomes of similar cases, and finally check against Scripture. This nuanced approach is called Casuistry.

Some people will dislike this post because it advocates a religious (Roman Catholic) principle of appraising each situation on it’s own merits. They fail to see the message of the parable of the Judgement of Solomon (two women claimed to be the true mother of a baby). King Solomon only asked for the baby to be cut in half in order to discover out the real mother (who cried out), they think cutting a baby into two is a reasonable solution to the problem!

A lot of people on social media (it seems to me) would get on very well with the famous philosopher, Immanuel Kant.

Kant came up with something he called “the Categorical Imperative” (a deontological moral theory) whereby an action’s rightness (or wrongness) doesn’t depend on what effect they will have, but on whether they fulfill duty. Kant believed this was a supreme principle of morality, and that even if the world was ending tomorrow, he would still send someone to the electric chair or sentence them to pay a fine.

The law’s the law. If you break a law, then you MUST face the consequences and be punished! Even though it is bonkers to halve a baby, if it’s law, then it must be done!

Consider these common-enough scenarios-

(1) A father will deliver an ultimatum – the daughter must be home by 10pm or face the consequences.

(2) A mother will insist that the child eat everything on the plate or get a punishment.

(3) A person hasn’t paid the correct amount of tax, so should be heavily penalised.

Of course each could be dealt with by a hard Kantian position, but also each could be dealt with on it’s own merits – extenuating circumstances – best interests – the daughter may be 5 minutes late because she missed a bus, the child may be allergic to the food, the tax was an oversight due to ignorance or naivety. Most often, taking the legal position of the Categorical Imperative, makes matters worse for everyone.

The purpose of the law, of rules and regulations is to guide. Yes, they should be followed as closely as possible – but humans are not machines. Humans fall in love with other people, humans sometimes don’t get on with others, humans err. To deliberately and knowingly break a rule or law without excuse nor extenuating circumstances is definitely wrong, 100%, and should be clearly dealt with. However, such cases are extremely rare.

This is why the British Legal system is not Kantian, but Utilitarian. Jeremy Bentham defined Utilitarianism as having the axiom, that the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.

Sounds like Best Interests to me.

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THE GABBLER

WHEN I WAS SMALL my brother was made (by my mother) to take me away – to occupy me – to entertain me. Naturally, he took me along to whatever he was doing anyway.

I was alright with that.

I watched him play football with Colin in goal, and I was introduced to a small lane between houses, connecting streets in Newton Mearns. I think it was between Edzell Drive and Hazelwood Avenue. This shortcut introduced me to my brother’s pal, “The Gabbler”.

The Gabbler (I think) lived on Hazelwood, but that didn’t matter because it was all about the secret lane.

My brother (with me in tow) would slip down the lane and he’d whistle with two fingers in his gob, piercing and distinctive. A code whistle.

Within minutes, the Gabbler was with us, bounding over the wall into the lane.

Then we’d be off getting up to stuff.

I don’t really know exactly why, but I have always associated “The Gabbler” with Thunderclap Newman’s “Something in the Air” such that whenever I hear that tune, I recall those whistles, that lane, and us off on an wnterprise that usually ended with us all laughing till it hurt and the sun set.

Embedded Youtube video Thunderclap Newman – Something In The Air
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTZoJ01FpD8

It’s a funny memory because I never did find out the real name of “The Gabbler” – and what a wonderful nickname. What a wonderful lane, and what a wonderful young life filled with code whistles and lanes and nicknames.

I wish that for everyone.

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MICHELE VALENTE

MY OLD PAL, Mike died on Saturday 4th December 2021 sitting on the couch watching his new TV, and that’s a great way to go.

Mike told me he had cancer and had a year to live. The experts said there was nothing they could do and that he’d be lucky to see Christmas. They were dead right.

Yet he seemed fine. I am so glad that he did not decline and end up dying a long protracted death in a hospital, but it’s still a shock.

My habit is to think of Mike when I buy a new gadget, or when I cook something Italian. I also think of him when something goes wrong. I was always collecting thoughts and stories to tell him on the 2 hour phone conversations we had every week for 20 odd years.

Mike and I used to live and work together in Sweden, and then do trips around Italy. I always led him astray, but we had fun. Eventually, life happens, and Mike returned to England, and I returned to Glasgow to settle down and raise a family.

But we had great stories. We planned a heist once, we nearly drove into a moose at high speed, we employed a driver who had red dreadlocks to chauffeur us about, we decorated and furnished several houses together abroad. My wife still blames Mike for my painting the drawing room yellow and putting down laminate flooring.

We used to solve problems with his coding and complain about the people we worked with, nothing was out of bounds, complete honesty and frankness. I’ll miss that. It’s like a bit of me is suddenly amputated.

It was a strange relationship I suppose. We started off being in each other’s company 24/7 for about a year, to being a distant telephone relationship for decades. I had to leave my fiance because I had a trip booked with Mike, starting in Rome. But it was Mike who took over the wheel and RACED us through the hairpins of Tuscany to get me to to my bride. After getting married, we began to raise a family, and Mike visited once – and took my favourite photograph of my daughter laughing in that yellow painted drawing room. We met up with Mike a few times at his cousin Carlo’s, and we’d check in when we were flying from an English airport on vacation, but I wouldn’t say that my children really knew him – and that’s a regret.

The pandemic and lockdowns kiboshed my plans to fix this.

Mike had a great family – and he had a lot of friends too. He was in clubs for radio hams and whatnot. I think our relationship was as different for him as it was for me. Perhaps it’s an escape from the specialities of other relationships – free from family, friends at clubs, neighbours, and colleagues. I even think the distance was helpful in that it was extremely unlikely to bump into someone we mutually knew.

I do think Mike lived his own life, he wasn’t pushed around, he was the best Mike he could possibly be. A genuine article, and that’s worthy of respect. He refused to stop smoking or take up exercise. Time has flown since we were jet-setting about getting into adventures, and I really do think we could easily have recaptured that original vibe in 2 minutes – we could have slotting right back in time dead easy; we’re both empathetic and considerate people.

He was an influence on me in many ways – he got me cooking, and he taught me the value of support and of loyalty. We had each other’s backs. Cooking may seem trite, but really it was about growing the hell up. I took it on board. I can only hope I was a positive influence on him – we used to swap tips on broadband providers, bits of electronic equipment, lightbulbs and investments!

I was sad when he told me about the cancer because I had planned another Italian trip with him – the kids being older would have LOVED that! I think Mike would have too. Even better if we could have met Franco and Eugenio and seen the old stamping grounds south of Naples, and up in Tuscany.

I know that we’ll go back to Italy. I know I will show everyone where Mike and I did this and did that, and it will be sad, but I still want to do it anyway.

RIP Mike

Addio vecchio amico, ci vediamo dall’altra parte se c’e un altro lato!

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KAZUHITO YAMASHITA

KAZUHITO YAMASHITA is new to me – I came across him on youtube, and couldn’t believe what I was seeing and hearing.

People used to ask “Who is the best guitarist?” or I would be asked to rate guitarists in some kind of list, best to worst or whatever. My stock reply to this is that music is about collaboration, it’s not adversarial. Other musicians are not your opponents, it’s just not like that.

When they begin arguing about this, I then resort to calling on genres – how can you compare a classical guitarist with a jazz guitarist or a heavy metal shredder? How about slide or bottle-neck players versus pedal steel or finger-picking country with gypsy music. The range on the guitar is too great for comparisons to be meaningful.

The internet is full of jaw-dropping bassists and guitarists of all genres – great techniques, fabulous skills, tapping, pull offs, hammer ons, slaps, harmonics, slide runs, rake-picks, bends, capos, unusual tunings, you name it, it’s a world of wonder – and I love that!

However.

Every so often you come across a musician that is not just able to play a genre or style incredibly well, but who writes, arranges or invents. Or someone who can play almost anything. That is the most amazing!

Allan Holdsworth, is a genre creator and Guthrie Govan can play almost any genre. Guys like these have attained a higher plane.

Then, with a pandemic lockdown, I surfed the internet and came across Kazuhito Yamashita, and he’s now my new favourite. Why? Because he’s utterly bonkers!

Classical music is so rigidly set in it’s ways, solid foundations, grades at the conservatoire, a couple of rival techniques, but Kazuhito Yamashita arrived from Mars and shook the whole thing like the Walls of Jericho. Even today there are raging arguments about him. Some really don’t like it, probably for myriad conservative reasons.

Embedded Youtube video Kazuhito Yamashita in Toronto (1984) Full Concert: Part 3 “Pictures at an Exhibition” or use the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwmljH41B1Q or https://youtu.be/2FNlwmpU7Rk?t=42

Kazuhito Yamashita took Modest Mussorgsky’s “Pictures at an Exhibition” and arranged it for the classical guitar. That alone is nuts enough, but he messes about with tunings, has immaculate harmonics, and a ridiculous invented technique of somehow managing to play a tremolo with one finger AT THE SAME TIME as playing mid chords and a running bass line! The dynamics, the speed, the legatos, the arpeggios, the apoyando and tirando – if there is a classical technique, Yamashita uses it in this piece – and then invents his own half-a-dozen or so.

The quality of the video is poor because it’s an old video from the early 1980s, but it’s still mind-blowing really. I must have watched and listened to this about 20 times already right through!

By the age of 32, Yamashita had already released 52 albums, it’s now at 83. It’s preposterous! Yamashita is an enthusiastic proponent of new works for the guitar and has given the world premier of more than 60 new compositions. He’s played four difficult guitar concertos in a single night.

He was born on 25 March 1961 in Nagasaki, Japan, so maybe his superpower came from the radioactivity after the bombing by the USA in WWII. He has married and his children have grown up and are a part of all this – and I love that too.

He has an official website: https://kazuhitoyamashita.com/

It’s difficult to describe the energy involved in this man, the sheer force of nature behind it all. It’s not often I’m stopped in my tracks or really amazed. I’m so thankful that I stumbled on Yamashita.

Embedded youtube video KAZUHITO YAMASHITA PLAYS CAPRICCIO DIABOLICO (OMAGGIO A PAGANINI) OP.85 or use link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQX4EKXks5g

Enjoy and appreciate if you can!

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RAPHAEL RABELLO

I ENJOY PLAYING GUITAR, and I have a wide range of musical interests, so I have come across Raphael Rabello from time to time over the years.

Rabello worked as a session musician in Brazil. I quite like choro – which is a Brazilian genre. Choro means weeping or crying, but it’s not sad really, it’s actually pretty fast, uplifting and happy. In Brazil, adding the ending -inho makes everything smaller, so Chorinho is a small Choro, so a small cry. However, the terms are interchangeable. It’s a 3-part rondo form and great fun! Raphael specialised in Choro/Chorinho, but he could play anything.

Embedded YouTube video Raphael Rabello – Cry My Guitar (1994) or use link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-4nVeZUbpM

His reputation grew abroad, and he moved to the USA and even gave lessons in California.

Although not an actual ‘hero’ of mine, I’ve been a huge fan of his playing for years. I’m posting this partly for a reason that will become clear later, but partially because of all the tweets, facebook posts, DMs and more regarding the tragic lives of musicians. I seem to have struck a chord (sorry about the pun) with my last post – on Alexei Zimanov having all his fingers chopped off. I’ve been inundated with similar tales!

I referred in that Zimanov post about Chet Baker‘s falling out of a window and about Jaco Pastorius being beaten to death in the most savage and brutal way possible by a doorman/bouncer, and this has lead to many quite extraordinary tales, including what happened to Raphael Rabello…

In 1989, all was going really well for Raphael, when he got into a car crash.

He was taken to hospital with his right arm broken in several places. Bad news for a guitar player.

The operation was tricky, but he managed to be able to play after a while. What he hadn’t realised was that he got infected during the operation.

He was given a blood transfusion that infected him with HIV.

He was given AIDS as he saw it.

But it didn’t kill him.

Instead, it affected his mental health, and he began taking drugs, he gave up hope. Eventually he was addicted to both drugs and alcohol. He spiralled out of control and stopped breathing on 27 April 1995.

Embeded Youtube video: Raphael Rabello – La Catedral – Heinekin Concerts 1993 or use the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25ZtqJjplzQ

It’s not what happens, it’s how you deal with it. He could still play, his arm would heal. HIV is really bad luck, but it is possible to live with it. He’s playing in the above embedded video, with a healed arm and HIV positive.

But it’s trite of me, of us all for ignoring the personal mental health aspect. This wonderful, talented man, with a wonderful career simply couldn’t deal with it. How he dealt with it, didn’t work.

You could say that what killed Raphael was his mental health.

In these lockdown -and- COVID-19 pandemic times, I think we’ll hear a lot more about mental health.

I wish everyone the best for these strange times. I hope we all survive and prosper.

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ALEXEI ZIMAKOV

THE GREAT ALEXEI ZIMAKOV is dead!

Yet another music hero of mine is gone! Another musical virtuoso, and yet another tragic tale of a needless death.

You may recall my post of the shock and horror about the murder of Jaco Pastorius, or the post about weird death of Chet Baker.

Alexei was not a Jazz musician, but an amazingly gifted classical guitar player from Tomsk in Siberian Russia. He studied classical guitar from an early age and graduated the Academy of Music in 1993 – but it was not enough for Alexei – he recorded himself playing and sent in the tape to apply for entry to competitions – however, everyone thought he’d sped the recording up because it was too astonishing!

Eventually, though, this got him a break and he was on TV showing off his incredible skills – he was able to bring the orchestral sound to the guitar, and soon began winning competitions.

He became the first Russian to win the “International Guitar Foundation of America Competition» (GFA) in Miami in 1991 – before he’d even graduated!

Forty-two year old Alexei was invited to a party in town by his father and fiends, so he dressed up and had a great time drinking too much vodka and having fun.

It was a particularly cold Siberian night (-44°C) in December 2013. Alexei somehow made it home. The controlled entry system was on the blink, so he banged on the door and shouted to be let in.

Maybe his sleeping neighbours didn’t hear him – or perhaps they ignored the drunk guy shouting outside. They were afraid of criminals and hooligans, and it was very late. No-one let him into his apartment block, so he decided to wait to see if someone came home, or to see if someone leaving the building would let him in. He eventually fell into a drunken sleep in the doorway out in the cold.

He got frostbite in his fingers, possibly because he didn’t have his warm gloves, just thin leather ones for the party. He was dressed warmly otherwise – he didn’t even get a cold. It was a case, perhaps of simply having the wrong gloves.

As you can imagine, this has to be the worst thing to happen to a musician, or to a guitarist, let alone to a virtuoso and famous guitarist at the height of his powers. He ended up having all eight fingers amputated, leaving him only with damaged thumbs.

The operation cost 1.5 million Rubles, and as classical guitar playing is not lucrative. Zimakov was not rich. The international outpouring was amazing! There were many fund raisers for the operation, including a gala concert in Moscow, even the GFA was receiving donations.

He apparently died aged 47 of a heart attack – a blood clot or thrombus detachment between 4th and 8th of May 2018 while in Rostov-on-Don with a student. He died lying down reading a book.

Reports are that he was never fully recovered from losing his fingers and his life as a guitarist, and many say he died of a broken heart.

In this world of global communication and 24 hour streaming news, it is extraordinary that it is only now that I found out that he’d died last year. I’m annoyed about that, quite frankly.

From the accounts I can find on-line, he was a lovely fellow, a generous spirit, and a kind-hearted, sensitive man.

Алексей Зимаков (1971-2018) RIP

Embedded YouTube video from April 2017 LINK here@ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pdgyj-2VB8M

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